Scripture and A Snapshot

Gods plans are....big and hard and beautiful and magical and frustrating and perfect. The desires of my heart...To be a mommy. To bring my little girl home from wherever she is....God can do that. This photo was taken in a little Tuscan town called Lucca, Italy. It was a dream of my Marmie and me to go. God made it happen. Dreams can come true....

Fall in the Air...

Change and Time

When the crisp air of Fall fills my lungs I find myself paying special attention to all the changes in my life. The season of change that comes after what feels like a short summer always brings with it a sense of urgency. Time moves so quickly, rushing by us as we trip and stumble through the hours. Next year is coming quickly. The year I will start my adoption process again with a determination to complete it in 2013. I look now into the faces of my nephew and nieces and think of how quickly time passes. They are growing up so quickly. so precious.

As I was thinking about each of them, I was wondering if I had to describe them each in two words, what would I say? How would I choose? I wonder if the words I chose today will still describe them in 5 or 10 years? No matter what, I love them with all my heart and cherish each day we have together...

My Bean. he is Fierce and passionate. He is above all a proponent of justice and what is right. He is a champion of the underdog and a helper of the helpless... His heart is as big as the whole world and he loves form the tips of his toes to the top of his head.

My Sugar Pea. She is pure sunshine. Gentle, Compassionate and aware beyond her years. She sees, really sees people even at the tender age of four. She always thinks of others and is appreciative of those around her. She is my Marmie in pint size. She is soooo much like her it warms my heart...

My little JeJe is not so little anymore. She is funny and soft and chubby and tender. She is precious and can make everyone laugh with her sense of humor. She is smart and sensitive...

THE Question...

THE Question....

          Yesterday I was asked THE question by a well-meaning person. "Are you still planning to adopt or have you changed your mind?" This is a really good question as I am sure it has crossed more then one persons mind :-) in lieu of the length of time I have been working towards this goal. 

          The answer is YES YES YES!!! Without questions, doubt, worries, or re-considerations. I am still going to adopt. It has been a crooked road but a good road. It is a longer path then I expected but I am in a better place then I ever have been and wanted to just answer that questions for you all.

         I will be starting up the paperwork portion again the first of the year and moving as fast as God will allow at that point! The remaining months of 2012 will be spent earning, working, and doing a few other things. I want to thank you all for your support. Your words of encouragement. I will keep you all posted but if you don't hear from me as regularly as in the past just keep checking in! The details will come together and form a picture soon! Keep in touch and I will keep you posted!

Happy Summer!

Happy Summer Everyone!

       I hope all of you are having a wonderful summer. It is so hot here! 106 degrees yesterday! I have been working ALOT! Its a good thing as the overtime supplies the adoption fund :-) Its getting closer...Unbelievably expensive. It is worth every moment, every hour, every day. Spending alot of time this summer working on myself. Getting healthy, etc. Will keep you all posted!

Caterpillars, Cakes, and Baby Boys...

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

Baby Shower

              The year I graduated with my bachelors degree I met an angel. She actually turned out to be married to a friend and co-worker of mine and was actually quite human....but besides all those facts, she was an angel to me. I was doing my student teaching in my last quarter of my Elementary Education degree. I was in a classroom which was with a teacher that, how shall we say, was COMPLETELY different then myself. It was a rough quarter. "A" was in the classroom next door also doing her student teaching. Having her there saved me. We have been fast friends every since. 

           "A" is a brilliant combination of creativity, eclectic ideas, homemade genius, and a dazzling smile. She is the most creative person I know. She sees the possibilities in old chairs and broken down mirrors, making them into fabulous parts of a bigger picture.

           Well, she and her husband are expecting their first baby. It was my pleasure, therefore, with my Marmie as my partner, to have a baby shower honoring her and her baby boy.

Our Caterpillar Cake!

My Beautiful friend "A" (middle in black and white strips), her sister, my and my sister

Some games out on the porch

I made this out of paper lanterns!

The guests were invited to bring their favorite children's book!

 

 

We made party favor caterpillars out of skittles!

Daisie 

Marmie and I went for a long walk the other day and Daisie loved it! I am so enjoying the spring weather. New beginnings. Spring has such promise.

She loves to sit up and paw the air with one of her feet...So Cute!

Spring Rain...

I love the taste, the smell, the feeling of a soft spring rain. The drizzle brings a stillness, a melancholy. We are starting to see signs of spring! I feel the weight of a long winter lifting. 

Birthdays, Boys, Ikea, and Really Good Friends

Marmie and I just returned from a few wonderful days visiting a dear friend who lives a few hrs away from me. We spent many hours just chatting...catching up. Good friends never miss a beat. 

We went to Ikea (my first time which was AMAZING), sipped yummy hot drinks, and enjoyed the days of unexpected sunshine. She and her husband are expecting their first baby and found out on the day we got there that it is a little boy! We are so excited.

IKEA...WOW

All three of us had a pedicure to celebrate my birthday...AM and I painted out toenails BLUE for BOY!! The little lady who gave us the pedicure was from Vietnam She proclaimed that this was "The year of the dragon, Good year for having a good strong boy!" I will never forget that.

My beautiful and sweet friend AM and me

Better Late Then Never...

Valentines Day!

I know it a little late and ALREADY MARCH!!!! However, I wanted to share some pictures of our Valentines Day celebration. The angels had a sleep over which is always fabulous! We made home made sugar cookies and decorated them, we played games and generally spent quality time together. I stayed up late the night before and decorated the house to the hilt with balloons and fun stuff. It was so worth it to see there eyes widen and jaws drop when they woke up Valentines morning! They LOVE balloons! I love being an auntie! 

Bean is such a handsome little man. He is growing up so fast....

Little JeJe

Happy February!

      I cant believe its already the second month of this new year! It is going by as fast for you as it is for me? Wow! Not alot of news from this end, just working alot and working on me alot. Its a good feeling.
      I wish all of you a wonderful day and I will post more soon. I have some great pictures I want to share with you!

The Truth

       Its a new year. The first part of January is when more people make a vow. Vows to stop eating sweets, fatty foods, splurging on cloths, to find a job, to quit an addiction, the find new love, to ....in some way add to their happiness, their lives, their health. Well, this new year finds me letting something go.
       Its been coming on for awhile. Tonight I read a post from Kayce at "My Boy and His Cricket." It confirmed my heart and I knew I had to share it with you. My intent when I started this blog was to reach out and share my story. To be authenic. To show that the road to parenthood can be rough and crooked but still is a road that leads there. There has been some growing here. I have often asked myself? Do I share only happy things, all the minute details that will make people fall asleep? Do I write about my saddness that another year has come and gone? Do I act like I have high hopes, peace in the journey, and am a fountain of energy all the time? 
      Only the truth will do. So, I am starting afresh here. I will write what is really going on. If someone reads it and is blessed then I give the credit to God who is the only One that holds me to this journey. If it is only for me...so be it. I want my babies someday to look back and see an authentic journey. A scrapbook of what really happened.
      Confession. When this last Christmas came and went, the new year came and went. I have struggled. Another year. Another holiday and I'm not a mommy. Why? What else can I do? Well, I don't know those answers. What I do know is that maybe because I am weak, or low in faith, or something else I should be...I have decided not to think about this being THE YEAR. No more hopes, no more using that as an encouragement on the dark days. I cant keep saying to myself, "Well, maybe it will be this year. Maybe I will get the money faster then I thought and I can get it going by March...no...July...no...."
     I have a wonderful family. Supportive and sacrifising. I could not ask for more. I am not asking for more. I have wonderful, supportive, giving, caring friends. You know who you are friends. I thank you for giving of yourself, your time, you love, your energy, your possesions, yourself. I am so thankful for you. However, I wont have an answer when you ask me when I will get my baby. I dont know. I cant say, "Hopefully March, or maybe July" anymore. Honestly, I dont know. Thanks for caring so much to ask.
      This year I am going to just work. I am going to work on me. Work for money for her, on my health, my weight, myself. There is a small dark part of me that wonders if this will ever work. That part of me could write pages and pages of questions, and thoughts. Im too tired for that. I am here. I give it to God. I cant do it anymore.
     So, I am not letting go of a dream. Not letting go of it. But I am going to stop telling myself that it might happen this year. There is still so much more to earn. When I lay it out logically it cant happen in this year. I don't mean to be depressing I just want to record where I am. There is no way to know unless you have done it I guess. 
     So here is my plan, my vow if you will. I will finish the one licensing process. I will keep working and saving. I will try to have hope. I will probably have days where I struggle. Thats ok. I thank each of you for coming with me on this journey....

Fingerprints...Again

             Hope all of you had a wonderful holiday! Yesterday my Marmie and I made the two hour drive to get fingerprinted for USCIS (Immigration) again. Trying to keep all the clearances current can be a full time job! I will write more soon but wanted to leave a quick note!!! Thanks everyone for visiting!