"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break."
(Ancient Chinese Belief)
The future. An open book, a void, the scary unknown, the peaceful land of possibilities. My concept of the future has changed many times in my life. At times I yearn for time to pass, for the future to “get here” and still others I drag my feet. Being a person who believes in a higher power I know that Someone holds the master plan and someday all this “mess” will come together and make sense.
Adoption brings with it the awareness that at some point in this journey your child will be alive, breathing, crying, laughing….somewhere far away from you. Maybe even before you know they exist. When were they born? Were they alone? Was someone there to hold and kiss their fresh cheeks? I love the vision of the “Red Thread.” The connections that exist even without our knowledge and will one day come near.
The dictionary defines “Destiny” as “Inner realizable purpose of life: The inner purpose of a life that can be discovered and realized.” It’s been a long time since I felt like I was standing right where I was supposed to be. You know that tingle that runs down your spine? The surety, the voice that says “I am supposed to be right here right now.”
I felt that, this past Sunday, September 18th, 2011. Getting into my car, driving home from my class. I knew in that moment my journey to this class most likely had nothing to do with foster-to-adopt. Whether or not I ever hold a foster child’s hand, brush a tear from their face, or share in their laughter….I was suppose to meet Patty. She is the angel that is helping me and Marmie work through the Grief Recovery Program.
Tonight was the first night we started out on this journey. I am learning that loss is unique. Grief is 100% real for every one of us that experience it. It’s ok to feel. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to reach beneath your shirt and feel your heart “thump thump…” and know that that heart is broken. I will keep you all posted on this journey and one day maybe share a little of the losses I grieve. Until then, know that the human experience is similar. We all bleed red, cry, feel. If you have shut yourself away in your heart…have courage. Healing is possible.
