To Everything There Is A Season...

     


           Its funny about winding roads, you are often so focused on the turn right in front of you that you forget the destination. That's where I have been the past few days. Even though my daughter is my only, ever-present desire, I got a little lost on the speed bumps called "paperwork." (Sigh). Well, today is a new day. Sometimes you have to go forward not knowing what will be around the next turn. What if more speed bumps await me? What if my papers get lost again, or expires randomly, or...or? Well, It could happen but you know what? Its gonna be OK. God has taken me this far and He won't drop me now.
        It was by some amazing answer to prayer that I was able to find a new Home Study Agency this week. They were already sending someone to my area for a post-adoption visit just when I needed it, so they were able to come and see me and do my Home Study update the very next day. So there is a remote chance I can get the updates I need without having to spend a few more $$$$. How amazing is that?
        Its funny. Having someone come into your home to see where and how you live feels a little weird. Of course your house is clean and neat and all the paperwork is sitting ready on the dining room table. I had a fleeting thought that I should have baked chocolate ship cookies so the house would smell warm and delicious....But I had to rush home from work to meet him then rush back...so no cookie smell for me :-)
       I am humbled and thankful. Again, I am reminded that there is a plan, that this will all be worth it. It's human to get discouraged, to lose sight of your goal, no matter how worthy. But, I don't ever want to stop there. This week I have been blessed by corresponding with some wonderful women who have been on and finished this journey. Ladies who's blogs I have read for years. It made my heart feel warm and so thankful that they would take the time to encourage and support me. The adoption community is beautiful, diverse and unique. I am humbled and honored to be apart of it. I am looking forward to what lies ahead no matter what it is...
     

Black and White Wednesday

Dresses are the most fun to make! I sewed this for my Hope...

      Sewing is such a Mommy-like thing to do. As far back as I can remember my Marmie used to sew for my sister and I. Dresses, doll clothes, blankets, whatever we wanted. As I grew up I always imagined myself sewing projects for my daughters. A year or so ago I finally bought a sewing machine and dusted off my skills. Love it. Deeply satisfying. I can only imagine the days when I will wrap her up in the blanket I am making, or fasten the buttons on the dress. Every item chose with care...every stitch made with love...

The Quilt I am making for Hope

At first it felt strange to decide on fabrics and sew things for a little girl I have never met but always loved...But after about a minute, I realized that I do know her. She has been in my heart my whole life...

This is my favorite of a few dresses I have made

Restart

         Quick update. I am really tired and to be honest need to get to bed so I can get up super early and go to work again  in the morning. Maybe its my need to "write it out" or maybe I just want to record this feeling of discouragement and despair for myself.....for anyone else who is doing this. I want to remember so that when God comes through it will be even more amazing. So that it is documented and there will be no doubt that when the door opens it was God who did it. I know this will be true because there is no human way out of where I am tonight...
          It is coming to the time that my Immigration clearance, I-171H is needing to be renewed. In order to do this I need to submit a Home Study that is less then 6months old. Earlier this year my Homes Study Agency closed. Because of this I am unable to renew my Home Study with them. This means that I need to find a new agency and see if they will accept my current HS or if I have to start all over again. A few thousand dollar process. So, long story short. Cant renew I-171H without  freshly renewed HS (although its not expired it is more then 6 months old). In order to renew my HS I need to find a new agency and pray they will work with what I have...
        To be honest, I am tired and feeling discouraged tonight. I feel like honesty is the only way to go. Tonight I need to allow myself to be tired. I have worked so many hours, days, months on these documents. To see them fall apart because of some red tape makes me feel ill.
       I will not quit. But tonight? I am feeling weak and small. God's plan is veiled and confusing. I pray for strength and clarity. Tomorrow I will go down the list I just made of agencies and see what they say...(sigh). Holding onto the certainty of my Hope. She is real. She will come. She is worth all of this without a doubt... Even if I have to start completely over...wait a minute, that's what I am doing :) its OK....just need to be tired tonight and pray for courage.

So Loved....

The world is filled with people searching and wanting things for themselves. This story brought tears to my eyes...Visit their site and help support an amazing cause.

http://www.wildolivetees.com/so-loved-a-giveaway-to-remember/
So Loved was created to help bring Esther home from China to her forever family. Two months before coming home, Esther passed away from a virus that was complicated by her heart defect. 

We are proud to carry “So Loved” in our store in honor of Esther, and orphans around the world, so that God’s love will be glorified.

100% of the proceeds of the sale of each So Loved tee will be used to fund a future heart surgery for an orphan in China.

"When I was sick you cared for me..."

It is truly an honor to care for those who are sick, weak, hurt. What a ministry. "When I was sick you cared for me..."


I held the hand of a 91-year old man as he took his last breath.
I brushed the teeth of a 19-year-old woman who lay silent in a coma.
I dried the tears of a trauma patient,filled with fear and grieving for her mother, who died in the same accident.
I shaved the weathered face of a silent man on life supporting drips and machines,while his wife whispered encouragement into his ears.



I hear the rhythm of the ventilators and the alarms that call me.
I watch the lines and numbers on the cardiac monitor and make quick and silent decisions.
I calculate,mix and titrate life-sustaining infusions.
I chart the story of my healing hands on flow sheets and graphs.
But I know that ultimately, it is not in our hands.


I laugh with my patients and pray silently over them at the same time.
I offer comfort to patients and families who wait for a heart transplant,sustained my hope and prayer,realizing what must occur before they can get a heart.
I am in awe of the resiliency of the human spirit.





I've felt joy at the miracle of reviving a life and helplessness in prolonging suffering.
I'm amazed how a diseased body can live for many years and a healthy one die in seconds.
I've marveled at the work of surgeons and yet see them baffled by the complexity of a single life.


I've seen the rich and the poor, the black and the white, the ignorant and the educated become equals in their fight for life.
I've seen death often enough that I'm not so afraid of it.
I've been humbled and privileged to be this close to the hand of God.
In all of this, I've received a million times over what I've given.
I AM A CRITICAL CARE NURSE.