Used Stuff, Angels, Yard Sales and Miracles....

       For all the struggles and pain, my life is truly blessed. On those days I ask "Why" or wonder what is going on I must remember how I have been blessed. I never want to be someone who whines because they done have what they think they want when in their hands lies everything they need...
     Adopting a child takes a village. It really does. A group of people who love, understand, support, encourage, console, and motivate. This was never more clearly illustrated then by the friends and family in my life last fall. As you know, money is the only real need left...only thing standing between me and mommy-hood. As disgusting as that may be it is a reality. For the past few years God has provided me with consistently two-three jobs at a time. Full time ICU nurse, part time nursing tutor and part time charge nurse at a local rehab center. Busy. Yes, that is an understatement. But its OK. Its worth every moment. Well since there are only 24 hrs in a day and one must sleep sometime right? The quandary still remains as to how to raise the remaining funds.
      Last Fall, born of a simple idea from a friend, a miracle took place. What do people do when they are trying to raise money? Well, they have a bake sale, yard sale, or car wash, right? No one could have prepared me for the amazing result of a little idea. Lets have a yard sale...a GIANT yard sale. Lets ask everyone I know...no make that everyone that I know and everyone that they know to donate items to the cause. We will sell whatever we get and put the proceeds towards bringing Hope home. OK. Sounds good. This idea was taken up into the hearts of those that I love, those that I care about, and even those that I hardly know. It blossomed into a giant outpouring of love, of hope.
       It took over a month to plan, organize and gather items. I put up fliers at all my jobs, put an AD in out local paper and by word of mouth told everyone I met!
                  My fear at first was that we wouldn't have very much to sell. That we would maybe have a few tables, a few discarded items to try and make a profit on...Oh me of little faith....Nothing could have prepared me for what would happen.

     I made huge posters to let everyone know what it was all about! A friend of mine, and a FABULOUS local photographer, www.kimberlyink.com, donated a wonderful package of pictures to be raffled off. A friend of mine donated multiple massage sessions, www.indulgencemassage.webstarts.com! Everywhere I went I had a roll of tickets to sell! Well, remember when I said I was worried no one would donate? Check this out!!!!!

We filled an entire garage in a matter of days!!!!!!!

         I could spend hours telling you about all the amazing people who helped me. Literally came out of the woodwork and gave their stuff, their time, their vehicles, their energy, and their support. My Friend" D" let me use her wonderful truck to haul tables for things to set on!My Dearest "N" was amazing. She woke up early each morning, came with coffee and a smile. Her enthusiasm, belief and help really made this possible. She and "A" and my dear Marmie and sister spent literally hours sorting, pricing, hauling, etc. There were so many others. My other friend "D" lived close by and made lunch for all of us the day of the sale! Yummy! Another dear friend let me have the sale in her yard, let me store alllllllll the stuff in her garage and basically take it all over for a month!  "M" helped the day of the sale and she spent much time pricing. A girl I work with occasionally donated her entire basements worth of stuff she was saving for her own yard sale, helped me haul it there and bought me lunch afterwords! WOW!

My dearest friend "A" helped me load and haul tables, spent hours and hours and hours helping organize, price, haul, unload, and sell everything. Her Mom, who was visiting for the weekend even came and helped!

                   There were too many to name. Folks from both my work places bought tickets, and helped organize donations. One of my dearest friends "B" lives about 45min away. She believes so deeply in me and my dreams that she and her new husband donated a truck load and a trailer load of really nice quality items, furniture, etc. Even brought it to me and helped unload it....Old friends, friends of people I didn't even know gave. Some gave a little, some alot. I was and am humbled by their generosity...
                    The morning of the sale, We put up signs and balloons to point the way, came back, uncovered everything, and waited....For a short, brief few minutes We had a sinking feeling. It was 0700 and not a soul to be seen. Marmie, my sister, "A" and "N" all stood looking at each other. All I could think of was "OK...God brought all these things to be sold, surly He will bring people to buy them! We prayed and stood still....waiting. Again, a lesson in faith. God will provide. The flood gates opened and we had hundreds of people steadily all day. It was really a miracle.

       Every little thing counted. One donation wasn't better then another, one more or less. Every little item, every dollar, every penny adds up. I am equally grateful for everyone's contribution. The sale went better then I could have dreamed. I learned some valuable lessons. When God blesses something, it is REALLY blessed. That people want to help and can surprise, touch, and humble me. That I am surrounded with the best group of friends I could ask for. That When Hope comes home she will have alot of love from alot of people who helped her get here. God provided way more then I had hoped and we were able to put a dent in the remaining amount.
           While thousands remain, I was touched, my faith was boosted, and my relationships grew stronger thru this experience. I share it with you so that you can know that God will provide. Yes, I know There is much more that I must raise but I use this experience to encourage me. 
            I was feeling rather tired today....kinda discouraged. I decided to go back and retrieve this lesson, this memory to remind myself that God will provide. Thanks to all who gave, who helped, who prayed, who believe....My heart of full of your support and love....

Afternoon Amblings...

           Last Friday Marmie and I were visiting my sister and her family. It was a busy day full of pre-weekend preparations, errands, and laundry. Bean and I decided that we needed to do something fun. to "be"...you know? Nothing that required intellect or lists.

         

      We all decided to go down to the local farmers market and browse around. what a delightful collection of people, smells, and sights. The street was lined with booths filled with anything from fresh produce to hand-knitted wine bottle covers....indeed! The smell of BBQ and lemonade combined with the aroma of onions and lavendar made for a most relaxing and sense-filling amble. Sometimes you need to just take time to do something different....If only I would remember to do it more often.

Sugar Pea had to bring her "pink purse" and her baby....what a lady she is!

My Beautiful Daughter...

My beautiful daughter,                                                                11-4-08

          I know that I have never seen you, have never touched your skin, or breathed in your perfect baby scent. I know that I have never held you in my arms, or cried tears of joy at your smile. I know that you are not home yet. That you may not even be born yet.  As sure as I know these things, I also know that I will. The promise of you is as real as the kiss of the sun I feel on my cheeks in the morning and as beautiful as the crimson fall leaves I see out the window.

          I never thought that it would be possible. To love someone I have never met so much that it hurts. To want something so deeply that my soul sings with the promise. To believe so fully that something is blessed by God…is my destiny. I have wanted you my whole life. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t long to be a mommy. To wake up with you in the middle of the night, to sooth your tears, to rejoice in your triumphs. To teach you how to cook, to sing, to draw. To share with you all I have learned and learn from your innocence. To see God and the world through your eyes. To protect you from the pain, to share in your disappointments, to give you a chance.

          I am amazed that this opportunity exists. That it is somehow possible to have a child, not born of my womb but in my heart. To know beyond all understanding that as surely as I know my own face in a mirror that you will be my daughter, no matter your heritage, no matter the color of your skin or the beautiful slant of your eyes. You will be flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone. That God has given me the most perfect gift…I have done nothing to deserve you. I am not so special, or gifted, or amazing that I should be chosen. Yet, I feel like the luckiest person in the world. To have the honor of you in my life, to give you all that I am…what more can I ask for?

          I am excited, thrilled and strangely at peace. I know that our love is anointed by God. That although I wish you were even now in my arms, that in His perfect time, you will be. I pray for patience. That God will make me a good mommy. That He will use this time of waiting to prepare me for the holy responsibility that is you. I miss you though…even though we have never met I feel like I know you. When I see your face it will start a new chapter in my life. One I have waited for all the days before. I pray that God will bless this journey. Open the doors that lead to you…I can’t believe that I get to share this with my mommy. You will love her. She is the best mommy in the world, and my very best friend. No little girl could have a better Nanie. She is waiting for you too. She is the biggest blessing my life and I can’t wait to live our lives with you.  I tremble with the knowledge that God has given me this blessing. My heart sings with excitement. Until that day when you are laid in my arms, never to part again, I am waiting. Sometimes impatiently, I will admit, but all the time, anxious to start our lives together. Until that moment…know that I have always and will always love you…

                                                                         Mommy

Baseballs and Windshield Wipers

Good Morning! I woke up today to the most beautiful surprise. My Bean and Sugar Pea are having a sleep over at my house. I was pounced upon by my Bean and woke up to his perfect little missing-his-front-tooth smile....Ahhh. Those are the moments in life when my soul sighs with contentment.
        Last night a very dear dear friend of mine took us all to a local baseball game. we had never been before and it was such a treat. She treated us like queens. A true picture of small town America complete with  cheering fans, the smell of hotdogs wafting through the breeze, crazy outfits, and mascots. It was perfect. Yummy french fries, people-watching, laughing till your tummy hurts, just being. No pressure. 9:00pm came before the hint of the cool July evening breeze reached us. It was late when we left for home. The scarlet sunset  was barely visible over the perfectly mown baseball field. It was so fun to see Bean and Sugar Peas reaction to the evening. they loved it. I adore being part of a child's first memories of something. It amazes me. They will look back on it years later and see my face in those scenes. It humbles and honors me. Creating those are one of my life's biggest ambitions.

        On our way home we stopped by Safeway to get some picnic supplies for our grand adventure today. you know, the essentials like hotdog buns, Gatorade, you know....the important stuff. Sugar Pea and I were waiting in the car. She crawled up on the front seat with me so she could "drive." Her little hands busy with all the knobs. Emergency lights flashing, wipers flying across the dry windshield. what a sight we must have been! its funny how you don't care, you know? She was playing with the radio dial turning the music up really loud and laughing her little two year old heart out! Dimples flashing, blue eyes sparkling, she was pure sugar. As I ran my fingers through her silky blond curls my heart squeezed tight in longing for my own baby girl. The smell of lavender shampoo, the softness of her cheek, the ringing of her giggles all made my heart so happy, so full I thought it would burst from the sweetness of it...
      I wondered how long it would be before I could look down and see my daughters face, feel the softness of her hair between my fingers...be apart of her childhood memories. How long? These sweet moments are precious, few, rare. The stress of my job, of life often eats away at my spirit leaving me hollow and tired. Last night reminded me again of the good stuff, the beauty, the reflections of God in the face of an innocent, trusting child.
    I urge you to take a moment today. To hug the ones you love, to say it. To be still and remember how blessed we are. No, we all don't have all that we long for. But we have so much. In my line of work (ICU nursing) I see so much loss. Feel so much of peoples pain. I hold the hands of people dying on a day they didn't plan to. Don't waste a moment of the life you have....Love and be loved. Smile. I know that when My dream comes true and Hope is placed in my arms I will treasure her all the more for the waiting....