Hope. One word that holds infinite significance. With it, a person can run marathons, cure diseases, survive enemy capture, torture and even death...Without it, it may be impossible to live, to take a breathe, to open your eyes and take the next step. A puddle of humanity with all the ability but no light to see. Hope is the air in our lungs, the light in our eyes, the substance of our dreams. If it is taken away it is like extinguishing a light in a brightly lit room. All that is left is empty black space.
How does one live in hope without "getting their hopes too high"? The question echos in my ears and deep places in my heart... As hope starts, it arrives on a soft breathe. Tiny at first then growing like wisps of smoke on the wind it takes hold of your secret places and burns warm within you with promise, with ideas, with "I can...or It may actually happen."
Sometimes it takes hold and lives there, true, honest, simple, for a long time. I am inspired by stories of people who live their whole lives in hope. Believing that something is possible, that they can be who they long to be, do what they believe they were put on this earth to do. Unwavering. These people are rare. Who knows? Maybe even they have moments of doubt, of darkness.
Me? Mommy-hood is one of the only things I know, feel, believe in my heart I was created to do. I know it. Traveling to the spot I am standing on today has been an uneven adventure. A little girl believing she would grow up, get married, have babies, plan picnics, adventures, make memories. Spend my life making a life with the man I would love. I am not disappointed, nor am I upset that that picture differs so greatly from the reality I am today. Yes, there are times when I wish it were different but never am I unhappy with what I have. A flicker of hope lies within me...At times barely a spark but there nonetheless.
Adoption. It is not for the faint of heart. It is not for the weak, the tired, or the doubting. It is not for people who lack courage. However, it is for aware people. For people who look around and see the state of the world we are in and yearn, in the deepest parts of themselves to make a difference in even one life. Adoption is for people who are color blind. Who believe that we all bleed red, all feel pain. Adoption is for people who understand that by changing the life of one child you change the world. It is for people who understand that parents don't have to be perfect. Don't have to have a perfect plan, or understand all aspects of ideal attachment, or "culturally conspicuous families." Adoption is for people who don't mind paper cuts. Adoption is for anyone who can look into the eyes of a child, see deep inside their soul and know that they were born to love and be loved. To be held, believed in, laughed with, cried over, and prayed for. Adoption is for people who know that beyond a shadow of a doubt a child is a child and that being there for them for the rest of their lives no matter what that means is all they need. Adoption is for anyone who can say that, no, they don't have all the answers, but no matter what happens, no matter who their child becomes, they will always be there, always love, always believe in them....that's all it takes. Love. A love that sees no differences, that embraces the beauty in cultures, in slanted eyes or curly black hair. That knows they are yours. As surely as if they were born of your own body. They grew in your heart, not under it...
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